There's a particular kind of moment that doesn't announce itself. Nothing has technically gone wrong. You haven't lost anything. And yet something in you has quietly stopped agreeing to the way things are.
That's what I call an SOS State.
So what is an SOS State?
The SOS State is the moment your body starts asking for help — before your life falls apart. It's the point where your system has noticed something isn't working, and has begun signalling, long before your mind is willing to say it out loud.
It usually shows up as one of two things:
- A sudden realisation that the life you've built doesn't fulfil you anymore;
- Being overwhelmed by a feeling of "drifting" — no sense of direction, no motivation.
Neither of those is a breakdown. Both are information.
Though it may feel like everything is falling apart, an SOS State pushes you to reflect, reassess your priorities, and rebuild. It's the chance to align more deeply with who you're actually becoming — rather than who you agreed to be some years ago and never revisited.
Myths about the SOS State
Let's clear up some common myths that make this state much harder to navigate than it needs to be.
Myth 1: "I should have everything figured out by now."
Truth: life is full of changes, and nobody has everything perfectly figured out. An SOS State isn't a sign of failure — it's a sign that growth is happening. Give yourself permission not to have all the answers right away.
Myth 2: "Everything is falling apart."
Truth: while it can genuinely feel that way, what's usually breaking down are structures and habits that no longer serve you. That breakdown is what creates the space for something better to emerge. Very little is actually being destroyed. A lot is being reorganised.
Myth 3: "I need a perfect plan before I can move forward."
Truth: there is no such thing as a perfect plan. Focus on progress over perfection. Small steps — even uncertain, slightly wobbly ones — are what lead to breakthroughs.
What to do during an SOS State
Moving through an SOS State isn't about solving everything immediately. It's about making steady progress and changing how you respond to the pressure. Here are the key steps.
1. Change your coping mechanisms
These moments tend to bring out old coping mechanisms that may not serve you well: shutting down emotionally, overworking, or reaching for distraction — social media, food, alcohol. They offer temporary relief, but they don't touch the root of it.
New approach:
- Shift the focus inward. Stop trying to fix the external world — your real power is in changing how you respond internally. Ask: what am I feeling right now? What do I actually need — emotionally, mentally, physically?
- Embrace healthier coping. Replace the numbing strategies with things that let emotion move: journaling, talking to someone you trust, mindfulness, or movement-based practice like yoga or walking.
2. Reflect on what really matters
An SOS State is a moment to reassess your priorities and values. Often the things that mattered to you before no longer line up with who you're becoming.
New approach:
- Ask yourself: what matters most to me right now? What do I want my life to look like going forward? Write the answers down — clarity arrives faster on paper than in your head.
- Let go of what no longer serves you. Habits, relationships, or beliefs that are holding you back. This part is genuinely hard, and it's essential.
3. Focus on your internal strengths
In an SOS State it's tempting to look for external solutions — a new job, a new relationship, a change of scenery. But the most powerful solutions usually come from inside.
New approach:
- Turn inward. Recognise that you already have the resilience to navigate this. Spend time listening to your body and your emotions to understand what they're telling you.
- Cultivate inner calm. Mindfulness, meditation, or breathing exercises build steadiness in the middle of the chaos — and keep you clear-headed when the outside feels uncontrollable.
4. Break it into small, manageable steps
It feels overwhelming because it looks too big to handle all at once. So stop looking at the whole thing.
New approach:
- Start small. Ask: what is one small action I can take today? Making a list. Sending one email. Taking time to rest. Completing small tasks builds momentum and returns a sense of control.
- Celebrate small wins. Acknowledge each one, even when it feels insignificant. Those little victories are what show you progress is possible.
Tips for living through it
A few practical things that make the whole thing more bearable.
1. Take care of your body
Your body holds on to stress from your mind, which makes coping harder. Sleep properly, eat with some attention, and move — even a simple stretch — because physical steadiness feeds emotional resilience.
2. Set boundaries
In an SOS State it's easy to feel swamped by everyone else's demands. Protect your energy by saying no to what drains you. That's what frees up room for what actually matters.
3. Practise radical acceptance
Accepting the current situation doesn't mean giving up. It means recognising what's actually happening so you can work with it rather than against it. Accepting where you are is what gives you the space to change it.
4. Create simple routines
A daily routine brings stability to a chaotic stretch. Even a morning stretch or a few minutes of journaling gives you a sense of control and lets you start the day with intention.
Somatic exercise: shake off the stress
When you're in an SOS State, your body holds on to stress and anxiety — which makes it harder to think clearly or act at all. This exercise releases physical tension and clears the mental fog. It looks a little ridiculous. It works anyway.
- Find a comfortable spot. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart.
- Start with deep breaths. A few slow ones, to centre yourself and become aware of your body.
- Start shaking. Gently shake your hands, arms, shoulders, and legs. Let the movement spread through your whole body — loose and free, letting go of tension.
- Continue for 1–2 minutes. Focus on releasing tightness where you feel it most: shoulders, back, legs. Imagine the stress leaving with each shake.
- Slow down. Come to a stop gradually and take a few deep breaths. Close your eyes and notice how your body feels — lighter, looser, or more awake.
🌱 Do it tonight, not someday. Two minutes is enough. Your nervous system responds to what you actually do, not what you intend to do.
Almost nobody arrives in an SOS State because something dramatic happened. They arrive because a hundred small things stopped fitting, and the body added them up before the mind was willing to.
Remember: an SOS State isn't your end — it's your beginning. By shifting how you respond, and focusing on small steps forward, you'll navigate your way through and come out stronger, clearer, and more aligned with what actually matters.
You've got this.